Wolfsburg, Germany, 17 Sep 2010 – There is some speculation that the talks on the merger between Volkswagen and Proton Malaysia have been revived. It was mentioned that if the merger did indeed take place, then the price of Proton would rise. This news has caused a major jolt in Al-Qaeda and other minor terrorist networks. In a survey conducted in 2007 by the International Network of Unknown Terrorists (I,NUT), Proton was voted as the most favored car to be used in a suicide attack.

Top 7 reasons why Protons are used in suicide attacks:

1. It is damn bloody cheap.

2. Easily available – most can be procured from your friendly neighbourhood junkyard.

3. An idle Proton is least likely to raise suspicion – because it is normal to see a broken down Proton along the road. Terrorists need only remember to place a pail or warning sign behind the car.

4. Able to travel the first 500 meters without any problem – the distance that terrorists usually launch their attacks from.

5. Every part of the Proton is guaranteed to act as a splinter in an explosion – they already fall off on their own without any help.

6. The design is so ugly that it already strikes fear into the heart of the enemy.

7. People would be so stunned to see a moving Proton that they would not know how to react and just stare in awe.

Kuala Lumpur, 4 February 2010

There have been jokes circulating in the Internet about the age of our Information Communication and Culture Minister Datuk Seri Rais Yatim. Being a nosey website which we are, The Petai could not resist jumping onto this bandwagon. The following are contributions from us on jokes about Rais being so old, together with some of the notable ones floating on the net since eons back.

Rais is so old…

• Rais is so old, he could be a guest on National Geographic as a witness for the programme “How was the Earth made?”
• Rais is so old, he negotiated with William Farquhar on the British Settlement in Malacca
• Rais is so old, he could have stopped the “pendatang” from coming to Malaysia
• Rais is so old that when he watched Jurassic Park, it brought back memories*
• Rais is so old, archeologists found paintings of him in caves in Australia*
• Rais is so old, he is the only person on earth who had a Sabre Tooth Tiger as a pet
• Rais is so old, that when he farts, scientists capture it and study it as “ancient gas”*
• Rais is so old, he fought alongside Hang Tuah against the Portuguese
• Rais is so old, his Kad Pengenalan nombor is 00000001*
• Rais is so old, when he dreams, it is in black and white*

* You’re probably thinking you’ve heard these before, and you’re probably right. We did however add the usual Petai twist.

Omelette Petai Eggs

Ingredients

• 100g petai seeds, skinned and chopped coarsely
• 3 eggs
• 2 tbsp water
• 1 tbsp plain flour
• (combine the water and flour to make a paste)
• 1 tbsp chopped red chilli
• 1 tbsp chopped spring onion
• 3 tbsp oilSeasoning:
• 1 tsp light soy sauce
• 1/4 tsp salt
• Dash of pepper
• Pinch of sugar
• 1/2 tsp chicken stock granules

Method
Whisk eggs lightly, add in seasoning, flour paste and mix well. Add in petai, red chilli and spring onion.

Heat oil in a non-stick pan, pour in egg mixture and fry omelette over medium heat for three to five minutes. Flip over to the other side and fry for three to four more minutes until omelette turns light brown. Dish up and serve with plain rice or bread.