WISMA PUTRA, Feb 17 – Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Razak had earlier tasked Wisma Putra to explain the facts pertaining to Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim’s sodomy case to Australian lawmakers so that they would get a clearer picture of the case. He had done so in the belief that these lawmakers probably did not know the real situation and were acting out according to misguided perceptions and heated passions. The Petai has, with no small difficulty, obtained a very early draft of a speech prepared by Wisma Putra that would be delivered by Foreign Minister Datuk Anifah Aman to Capital Hill, Canberra. The words of the draft, incompletely corrected and edited, can be found below:

Her Excellency the Governor-General

The Honourable Prime Minister

Distinguished Ministers, Senators and House Representatives

G’day mates!

I come here today to talk to you about a pressing issue that has driven a rift between our two great nations. It is actually a non-issue, for I feel relations between our countries, which have never been better, have stood the test of time and will stand this latest test.

Some people from the Australian Labour Party have lied a misperception that Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim has been unfairly persecuted by the Malaysian government for his political beliefs. This is a lie incorrect on two fronts. Firstly, there has never been any persecution of any sort by the Malaysian government. It is always the judiciary who is doing the persecution prosecution. Secondly, my government disagrees that Datuk Seri Anwar has any political beliefs that are beneficial to the country. Rather, his only belief is that he will gain self-satisfaction support from seducing young aides by appealing to public sympathy.

The courts of Malaysia have evidence to suggest that Datuk Seri Anwar has unlawfully penetrated the arse of sodomised a male aide. This is treated as a criminal case, and I am therefore not allowed to deliberate further, for fear of affecting the case’s outcome.

Mates, why let a wanker an indicted criminal destroy relations between us? Is our long-cultivated friendship really worth lesser than a pansy? Let the law deal with him and his perversions. Speaking for myself, I find the whole notion of homosexuality unnatural and detestable, as I’m sure many of you may agree. Those of you who are queers yourself may also find it uncomfortable that a queer has made his sexuality such a public issue. Like Americans, you would also feel a policy of ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ is more befitting of your unfortunate situation.

We ask therefore that you leave our legal systems alone and cease the lies that you are propagating in your newspapers, or we shall take drastic measures to ensure our sheep citizens do not get influenced by the rhetoric in your press.

I hereby express Malaysia’s sincere hope of continuing our relations beyond this temporary obstacle, and thank you for giving us your time in listening to our story.