Kuala Lumpur, 4 Jun 2010 – It was reported in the local papers that MCA chief Viagra Chua Soi Lek has raised the matter of 1,304 high achieving and deserving students to PSD director-general Tan Sri Ismail Adam who were left out of the scholarship award. VC (Viagra Chua) stated that students from all races should be treated equally without a fixation of the quota for the different races.

The Petai feels that this is a very noble and innovative (as far as Malaysia is concern) thought – for the MCA chief to raise this. We at The Petai were so amazed by it that all our reporters gathered around the article and scrutinesed it word by word. After about ten minutes, we dropped everything and walked out to the car-park and looked at the sky. Because we knew that we would have a better chance of seeing a Pig Fly, than see PSD giving a level playing field for children of all races. Oink-oink!

Ong Tee Keat and Ong Ka Ting – MCA’s lifebuoys

The dust has settled and Malaysia’s most famous porn star politician is at the head of MCA. Yes, Datuk Seri Dr Chua Soi Lek is now the one responsible for leading MCA into the new era.

But it’s not goodbye for former MCA presidents Datuk Seri Ong Tee Keat and Tan Sri Ong Ka Ting yet. Powerless but not forgotten, the two Ongs felt they could continue to contribute to the party without needing to hold any posts.

Even the MCA president agreed, telling reporters that the two men could help to stabilise and keep the party afloat. With the two Ong life buoys by his side, it seems to be fair sailing days for MCA.

Chua Soi Lek’s sudden resignation on 04 March as MCA Deputy President surprised many of us, including myself. While I promote myself as one of Malaysia’s best and most accurate fengshui master, I had not predicted such an outcome from the MCA leadership crisis. But that is not to say that my skills are lousy and that I should quit writing this column. Allow me to clarify my stand on the issue.

1. Chua was born in the Year of the Dog. According to the Chinese zodiac, people born in the Year of the Dog are known for being loyal yet unpredictable. It should be noted that while Chua has resigned, he has not completely washed his hands off the party.
2. All bad things should have been resolved before the Chinese New Year. Leaving things unresolved before a festive occasion is clearly not in line with the 1Malaysia spirit.
3. I can only give a general guidelines that will help people lead their lives. I am no God who can dictate what each and every person should do. The “chi” of each person is changeable over time this affects his or her destiny. In this case, the “chi” emanating from recent defections from the opposition created an atmosphere conducive for handing in the pink slip.
4. What’s my advice for the MCA? Just three words – Manage, Calm, Absolve.

MCA Deputy President Chua Soi Lek recently called for a meeting with MCA President Ong Tee Keat and MCA Vice President Liow Tiong Lai to resolve the sticky MCA leadership crisis. At the same time, Petaling Jaya Selatan MCA Chairman Lim Siang Chai called for a resolution before Chinese New Year on February 14 (coincidentally also Valentine’s Day).

Speaking to Petai at an MCA function yesterday, Chua said that it was not good to begin the Year of the Tiger on a sour note. According to his personal fengshui and Chinese almanac consultant Master See Bey Zun, the Year of the Tiger was a particularly bad year for squabbles which could potentially split the party up. Separately, Lim explained that Master See, who was widely consulted by MCA members in Petaling Jaya, had predicted that a failure to resolve the crisis would mean an unromantic Valentine’s Day for all married MCA members.

However, an insider source for Petai revealed that there could be another more embarrassing reason behind Chua’s wish to solve issues before the Chinese New Year. Reportedly, DVD pirate syndicates in Johor are planning to release a Valentine’s Day cum Chinese New Year special of Chua’s infamous sex DVD together with a guide on how to catch cheating spouses.

The source said, “At least if Chua managed to do something for the MCA, he could distract attention away from the new DVD release and prevent his wife from rejecting his roses on Valentine’s Day.”