“We need to fix him (Ibrahim Ali). Permanently. How about a gender change?”
Khairy Jamaluddin has always been described as one of the more astute and malleable political creatures of the Dewan Rakyat. We examine Khairy’s psyche in this exclusive…
Thurs, Aug 5, 2010
A year is a long time in politics. Just look at Khairy “call me KJ” Jamaluddin. The scion of the admittedly lacking Abdullah Badawi legacy, KJ has, since his father-in-law’s departure in 2009, become something of a black sheep in UMNO. We see this in his epic battle over the Pemuda leadership when KJ, mucked by accusations of corruption, went on to be shunned by Najib. Tengku Razaleigh accused KJ of inaction, and some in Pemuda agree that the latter was licking his wounds and failing to keep his eye on Malay rights. There are already sporadic accounts of revolts, first at a February exco meeting when some expressed their displeasure with their new chief, and then more recently with rumors of mutiny, plots, and intrigues. Strangely, there seems to be a shortage of coverage on this revolt in KJ-friendly media, most notably The Malaysian Insider and The Nut Graph. Joining an elite group comprising only Free Malaysia Today (for now), The Petai speaks to Khairy on his political survival and gets some surprising answers that no one expects him to say in public.
TP: Do you feel any pressure to swing a keris around at exco meetings?
KJ: Everyone asks me that and they always give me a strange look when I tell them I don’t like swinging kerises around. Look I know you all think this is what Pemuda does but you’re wrong! Before (Home Minister and former Youth Chief) Hisham started this nonsense, Pemuda chiefs only had to threaten to use a keris. Just look at Ops Lalang. All Najib had to do was threaten to soak a keris in Chinese blood. Things have gone downhill since Hisham took over and swung an actual keris around. I don’t blame him for it though. He was under a lot of pressure in 2005 to vindicate his leadership to the hardliners. I can still remember that day as if it was just yesterday. He broke down in tears during an exco meeting and begged for mercy before conceding to the keris waving proposal. I swore then that I would never bow down to such embarrassment.
TP: That was really insightful. A lot of people don’t realise the stresses faced by Pemuda leaders. It’s that bad huh?
KJ: It is! You always have to play to the faithful and appear overly-enthusiastic on matters you could care less about. And then there is this feeding frenzy mentality from the young wannabe ikan yu. All these hounds who are braying for blood, nipping on your heels, pestering you to go further, faster and louder, and they are all hoping that when you’ve gone too far, too fast and too loud you’ll fall from grace and they can replace you. And when your instincts tell you to moderate the more extremist demands, they go the other way and say you’re lesu. And they still plot behind your back to replace you.
TP: But why are you so stubborn on the keris waving? Isn’t it easier to concede? Many past Youth leaders have given in and yet went on to bigger and better things.
KJ: When you give them a hand, they’ll take an arm. They even tried to make a conciliatory gesture by asking me what other weapon I am willing to swing at meetings. I told them I will only swing a real M-16 around. This, I said, was because keris swinging is too humdrum in UMNO and has lost its shock value. If I had a real M-16 with real rounds, I think I can do better at exciting UMNO delegates. A few shots and they will be crying for mommy and crapping their pants. Of course they couldn’t get me an M-16. (KJ had spent a month training in the Territorial Army.)
All those years grinning and bearing as Hisham’s deputy taught me that waving a keris has other implications too. Like polishing the blade for too many hours instead of doing something more productive like rousing a mob in the streets. Or preparing press releases to convince people that Hisham has not gone bonkers. I’m so glad Hisham took the Panca Warisan with him to Home Affairs. I hear he’s developed a taste for swinging it and now uses it to cow people like (Attorney-General) Abdul Gani Patail and (Inspector General of Police) Musa Hassan into submission. I’m afraid the keris has changed him irreparably and meetings at Home Affairs are never the same again. I hear they are now S&M sessions with whips and latex costumes.
I know a lot of Malaysia’s leaders made a name for themselves as pretend-ultras. The only exception was (former Prime Minister) Mahathir, who was a natural-born ultra. That one didn’t need any encouragement to soak kerises in anyone’s blood. He will not only tikam someone, he will twist the keris and smile while doing it. But I’m convinced we need change. And to all who doubt Pemuda can change, I only have nine words for you: Yes we can, and that’s because I say so.
TP: You described yourself as a “centrist radical” to Malaysiakini. Care to explain what that means?
KJ: A centrist radical is someone who will lead protests against the Great Satan America and its Zionist Pakatan spies and at the same time encourage free trade with the world’s biggest economy while sending your military to participate in peacekeeping missions to develop international goodwill.
TP: Isn’t that contradictory? First you attack America and then you want to trade with it.
KJ: That’s just like how I attack Anwar and Pakatan vehemently and then I borrow ideas and sound bites like “Little Napoleon” from them. If you didn’t know already, I’m a politician. This is what we politicians do. We look at which way the wind blows and we try to lean in the right direction. Grow up man. It’s just business. If you don’t have the stomach for it, get out of the kitchen.
TP: You mentioned that there’s a lot of pressure on Pemuda leaders. One recent source of pressure is Tengku Razaleigh…
KJ: I think Ku Li is getting old and has lost his marbles. How can he say Pemuda is responsible for the Perkasa goons? Has he even seen some of the reports the Youth Lab has prepared? Does he even know how modern Malay youths think? Unlike old timers like Ku Li, Mahathir, Ibrahim Ali and Khir Toyo, I know everything about how Malay youths think. Facebook, Twitter, MSN, Maple Story and DotA. I’ve spent every waking hour tinkering with these… things. So I can say I know everything about youths. I know youths nowadays are only concerned about parties, money, and branded goods. It’s all about consumerism. Anything that has ‘i’ in it will get their passions up. You know, like iPhone, iPad or iPod. Only old fogies think that youths use Blackberry, or have time for intellectualism or existential questions like Malay rights. Malay youths look at all these arguments and ask “Just what is this Malay rights thing and what’s in it for me?” Can Malay rights ensure that the iPhone 4’s antenna is fixed before it’s released by Maxis? Or that the white iPhone will be on sale in Malaysia? Can Malay rights ensure that StarCraft 2 multiplayer servers will not suck? Can Malay rights lower the prices of Gucci and Prada handbags? Or Jimmy Choo shoes? Youths live in the present, and think of the future. For them, the past is irrelevant and tomorrow couldn’t come sooner.
If Ku Li thinks he can do a better job, he should try contesting Pemuda’s leadership next year. Unfortunately, he’s too old. He’s better off trying to start a “Warga Emas UMNO” to run as his personal fiefdom instead of butting into Pemuda’s business. His ex-Semangat 46 comrades can join him too.
TP: So it’s true you’re stepping down as Pemuda chief. Why?
KJ: I will always be a youth at heart. Even when I’m very old, I will still get on a bike and terrorise the Rembau ‘hood. I think Pemuda is generally made up of nice people. First you need to know the secret handshakes and gang signs. And get a couple of tattoos and a rap sheet with the MACC so you can build your reputation. But it’s worth all the trouble when you get into the family. It’s just the old troublemakers that spoil the fun. They always pile the blame on convenient scapegoats like me for their performance issues. I think they should take some Viagra before they talk about other people’s performance.
TP: Does this have anything to do with the mutiny reported by Free Malaysia Today that is going on behind the scenes against friendly state chiefs?
KJ: I don’t understand what these people want from me. They say my branch leaders are underperforming. Just what kind of performance do they expect? A Dusun song and dance ceremony with a spear and shield, replete with threats to dip the spear in the blood of certain races?
I have a message for troublemakers in Selangor, Perak and Johor: You think you can take me on? Try me. I’m waiting for you. Give me your best shot. My ass is dangling out here, waiting for you cowards to make your move. If you can’t muster the courage to come out of the closet, get the f*** out of my Pemuda.
TP: I think Ku Li and the Pemuda rank and file are concerned that the organisation’s traditional responsibility is being challenged by Perkasa.
KJ: Here we go again with the Malay rights thing. When will you people understand that Malay youths are apathetic about Malay rights? With a 65% Bumiputera majority that is growing exponentially given the decreasing numbers of Chinese and Indians, just what is this concern about Malay rights? If emigration and falling birth rates keep up, there won’t be any Chinese or Indian left. Then what will UMNO do when everyone’s a Bumiputera? Fight for only “Malay” Malays against Orang Asli, Penan, Ibans, Kadazan-Dusun, and the like?
Besides, defending Malay rights isn’t just Pemuda’s job. It’s not for Perkasa or UMNO to say that oh we’re the knight in shining armor for the Malays. Malay rights is something that all Malaysians – Malays, Indians and Chinese – play a role in.
TP: … huh?
KJ: Indians and Chinese have an interest in defending Malay rights too. Because when we Malays feel secure, they too are secure. This requires a mindset change to accomplish. My youth lab is looking into how MCA and MIC Youth can persuade Chinese and Indian youths to believe that Malay rights are also their rights.
TP: But can the Indians and Chinese –
KJ: We love all, we don’t discriminate.
TP: You can’t expect them to agree to –
KJ: Oh yes we can.
TP: … moving on –
KJ: Let this be a warning to any turncoat in Pemuda. My people are looking into the FMT report. My Worldwide Loyalty Team is looking into the FMT report and will submit a lab report on any mutinous or seditious influences on the ground. When we’re done with the investigation, spies caught will get to sleep with the fishes. With concrete boots. This stinks of a Khir Toyo stay-behind operation and we’ll get to the bottom even if there’s collateral damage.
TP: That sounds ruthless even for you.
KJ: When dealing with Brutus, one can never be too careful.
TP: In the past month you’ve found an unexpected ally in Wee Ka Siong.
KJ: I’m surprised how close I’ve become to Wee. We started cautiously, both trying to feel the other out. I mean, you never know which orientation the other guy bats for. Someone could be straight as a whistle and yet secretly harbour a longing for forbidden pleasures. That’s exactly how Wee is. I started by sending a message to test the waters during the scholarships fiasco and he reciprocated. One thing led to another and before we know it, we were exchanging regular messages both on Facebook and Twitter. We even started making arrangements for intimate rendezvouses, and this one time, we made reservations for a room at –
TP: Glad you two have a good relationship. Let’s talk about Ibrahim. I’m sure Petai readers are going to be interested in your take on your formidable adversary.
KJ: Ibrahim formidable? That’s a joke right? He’s a turncoat and an attention hog leading a flock of vultures. Just because he has a fly-by-night NGO at his beck and call he thinks he can hold UMNO hostage. And the worst thing is, he actually believes he is popular. That’s what you get when you have a worm eating too much s*** for too many years. Somebody should fix this abomination. Permanently.
TP: What do you think should be done to fix him?
KJ: I can’t tell you offhand what should be done to him without being impolite. Let’s see… how about a gender change? I’d love to hear him sing like a girl after that. Or surgery to shut his trap?
TP: (Clears throat) Right. You said Ibrahim is an attention hog. Aren’t you in the news very often too?
KJ: Unlike him, I only say something to the press when I have reason to. Like when I need to sling muck at Ibrahim for example, or when I’m trying to gain political mileage. I even told my Pemuda members that hogging attention of any kind is very annoying. They should only speak when they’re spoken to. They should sit down and listen to their leader. Or they can leave Pemuda. We have to end this “entering the frame” culture. Malaysian politics is not a 24-hour CNN news cycle.
TP: Ibrahim had some unkind things to say about you in a recent interview . What do you have to say about his allegation that your only qualification to run Pemuda is your relationship with former PM Abdullah?
I’ve read that interview. Of course being the son-in-law of Abdullah helps. Let’s be frank here. If I had not known Abdullah or my wife, I wouldn’t have joined politics. I’m an Oxford man with certifiable bumi qualifications. I could’ve been out and about swimming in billions of ringgit, wine and dine with Paris Hilton, party in socialite New York clubs and living it up with Hollywood starlets on Cristal champagne like Joh Low, who isn’t even bumi. Instead, I am here dealing with jaguh kampung like Ibrahim. Sometimes I think life isn’t fair.
TP: Is this what we can expect from Khairy Jamaluddin in the coming months? A shift to the middle and quick punches against the right?
KJ: I don’t think there’s a shift. It’s more a coming of age. I’ve cleaned up my act. I had to get rid of my thuggish past and pray people forget about the whole Mat Cemerlang fiasco. And then there’s those “fourth-floor boy” accusations. There’s also plenty of tough self-introspection. You know one of the advantages of stepping down as Ketua Pemuda is I can finally be my own man. No more Jekyll and Hyde transformations between bleeding-heart liberal and cold-heartless ultra. There were moments when I honested didn’t know what I was doing. Wielding placards and swearing bloody murder at people I didn’t know were one of the more illogical things I had to do as a card-carrying member of Pemuda. Now I’ve decided that I’ll stay true to myself. You may call me names now. But I don’t think you’ll find many changes in my politics 10, 20 years down the road. As for the punches, yeah I do sometimes find I need to work off steam against certain people. Speaking from personal experience, having a knuckle duster really helps.
TP: So what’s the difference between old Khairy and new Khairy?
KJ: I think the old Khairy would be very puzzled by the inconveniences taken by the new Khairy. The old Khairy would’ve preferred to work silently to double- or triple-cross his enemies. He would certainly hold onto the Pemuda leadership post for as long as his cold dead hands can hold. New Khairy had been accustomed to things like not getting favours from Bapak Mentua, groveling for positions after being left out, and being snubbed by just about everyone. The new me is more resilient for it, and doesn’t hold grudges as easily as the old me.
TP: Where do you go from here? A lot of people are interested in the post-Pemuda Khairy. Some speculate you might be targeting a supreme council post. The skeptics seem to think you’re angling for a better job by attenuating your message to be 1Malaysia friendly.
KJ: I take that you’ve read the report in The Star . They’re very kind to me you know? They even said I was tall, dark and handsome.
TP: Well you are tall and dark. I’m sure many women would consider you handsome.
KJ: Don’t let my wife hear that! Otherwise Bapak Mentua will have my head on a platter. I’m serious, don’t laugh. You all think Abdullah is a sleepyhead who’s out of touch with people around him. Actually these people around him are being had! Abdullah is the Godfather of Penangite politics before the young upstart Lim Guan Eng stepped into the picture. Even now, Abdullah is plotting and counter-plotting against Mahathir. It’s a chess game played out over the generations, and people like Najib, Hisham, Mukhriz and me are pawns on the board. The only difference is Mahathir is noisier than Abdullah, who prefers the silent kill. Don’t make the same mistake I made and underestimate Abdullah.
Despite what you hear, even I don’t know where I’m headed. I know many people think this departure is some strategic ploy to buy time for some grand master plan. But the new Khairy doesn’t have time for strategy, unlike the old Khairy. It’s all shooting from the hip like the Wild West from here on out.
An earlier interview with Khairy when he was moonlighting as a taxi driver can be found in the following video clip. In it he describes his enthusiasm for Malaysian football, the English language and party-hopping.
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