13 ISA detainees may have been released for good karma, says ornithologist.

(TPT) – KUALA LUMPUR: The release of 13 Internal Security Act detainees on Sunday may have a more sinister significance than meets the eye, says Mr Ong Huat Chai.

The ornithologist at Universiti Sains Malaysia, who is also a part-time theologist and practicing Feng Shui master, told an audience attending a Feng Shui talk yesterday that for centuries, Buddhists throughout Asia have released the sorrows of sickness, hunger and war through the simple, cathartic act of buying caged birds and setting them free, sometimes with a kiss.

“This is to add to one’s good karma so that one would be blessed in this life and the next. Of course since Datuk Seri Najib is really Muslim, this may not apply to him, but you cannot deny that there is something more than mere coincidences at play here. There is a strong significance in releasing caged beings from captivity in many parts of Asia.”

However, Mr Ong was quick to point out that he doesn’t condone the practice.

“As a Buddhist, I can tell you that the act of releasing beings from captivity only has a limited impact on how one’s life is judged. What matters is whether you’ve lived honestly and ethically throughout your life.

“As an ornithologist, I want to say that freeing birds is not recommended as caged birds, when freed and left to their own devices in an unsuitable environment or outside their natural range, may be vulnerable to predators. There is also a risk that they might transmit disease or alter the genetic purity of their species in the wild. I’m talking about birds of course, I can’t say the same for the ISA detainees. But since we are on that issue, I might as well put on my Feng Shui cap and say that this release does not bode well for the detainees if you look at what happens to birds after they are freed. Most of the time, if these birds are lucky, they get recaptured and placed back into cages to wait for the next so-called Buddhist to free them for a fee. If they are unlucky, they may succumb to starvation or predators. Either way it’s a lose-lose situation.”

The first ever interview with our former PM Abdullah Badawi

(TPT) – KEPALA BATAS: Abdullah Badawi had just last week handed over the reigns of the country to the new PM of Malaysia, Datuk Seri Najib Razak. Our reporters from Petai managed to chance upon our former PM doing some gardening work in his house yesterday morning and requested for an interview. Now that he is no more saddled with the problems of the country, he obligingly agreed to do the interview. After he had washed up and everything, we snugly settled down in our chairs in the garden and began our interview….

TPT: Tun Abdullah Badawi…… now that you are a normal citizen, how does it feel, being as free as a bird, without a care in the world……

Abdullah: Well… hmmmm (rubbing his chin)…….. zzzzzzz

TPT: Tun (pause), Tun (pause), Tun ………..

TPT: Well, we guess that old habits die hard, anyway, now that he is a free man, we allowed him to continue with his slumber as we slowly packed our things and tip-toed out of his garden. Good night, or rather, good morning Pak Lah

(TPT) – REMBAU: Newly-minted Umno Youth chieftain Khairy Jamaluddin has bemoaned the lack of shared dreaming among the 13 component parties in Barisan Nasional.

Conceding that he was no longer sure what the ruling coalition dreams for, Khairy said that the opposition Pakatan Rakyat appeared more cohesive despite the ideological divide among PKR, PAS and DAP.

“Whereas for us, I’m not quite sure what is it that we want, so I think we have to go back to bed and decide what is, or what are, the core dreams that BN shares, (and) the BN Youth shares.

“Is it bolsters? Is it better beds or more mosquito nets?” he told Petai Times two weeks before he won the much-coveted Umno Youth chieftain post in the posh surroundings of Sri Perdana where the interview was conducted.

On Wednesday, 33-year-old Khairy seized the much coveted Umno Youth chief’s post – a nurturing ground for future leaders, and dreamers.

In the interview, Khairy also gave some indications of what he would do as leader of the Youth wing and his proposals for reform in Umno.

“And we have to spell these things out because at the moment we are dreaming on our own directions, MCA is going this way, Umno is going that way, and when we come together during elections, there is no spirit, because we don’t share the same dream anymore.”

Khairy, whose father-in-law is Prime Minister Abdullah Badawi or otherwise known as Pak Tidur had been much criticised for sleeping on the job credits him for been an inspiring dreamer.

“I want to say it right now, you have all misunderstood his intentions” he defends vehemently with spit spewing out of his mouth.

“This is a good man who was doing his best with all the restrains of a ruling incumbent, a good man who had the courage to dream on the job” Khairy lets on while coughing profusely.

In outlining future plans for UMNO Youth, Khairy was quick to bring up his father-in-law as a source of inspiration. He described Pak Lah’s sleeping habits in detail, including his tendency to doze off during international conferences and events. Putting aside all possible embarrassments, he noted that the take-away was an efficient management of time.

“If the talk is boring, why not take a nap?” he asks with raised brows to this reporter.

“If its boring then sleep lah, rest more in order to prepare for the long haul, politics is not so easy you know” Khairy admonishes.

Back to shared dreaming among the component parties, the UMNO Youth Chieftain revealed that Pak Tidur would be retained in the impending revised Cabinet in some dreaming capacity. He gushes with pride at the role his father-in-law would receive under the leadership of yet-to-be-confirmed-but-should-be PM Datuk Najib Razak.

“To the others who think they can spilt up the unity within BN, I say, Dream On!” Khairy exclaims.

The wife of new Umno President tells us how her husband will bring change

(TPT) – KUALA LUMPUR: The following is a transcript of Datin Seri Rosmah Mansor’s speech to supporters, which took place after PM Abdullah Badawi gave his farewell speech at the Umno General Assembly on Friday. In an unusual move, the speech was made in English.

DATIN SERI ROSMAH: Thank you, Umno. I love you back. Thank you. Thank you.

Well, thank you so much. I am still fired up and ready to go.

(APPLAUSE)

Thank you. Thank you.

Well, first of all, I want to congratulate Tan Sri Muhyiddin Yassin, Datuk Seri Dr Ahmad Zahid Hamidi, Datuk Seri Shafiee Abdal, Datuk Seri Shahrizat Jalil, Datuk Rosnah Abdul, and last but not least, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, on their hard-fought victories here in Putra World Trade Centre. They did an outstanding job. Give them a big round of applause.

(APPLAUSE)

You know, a few weeks ago, no one imagined that we’d have accomplished what we did here tonight in Putra World Trade Centre. No one could have imagined it.

For most of this assembly, we were far ahead. We always knew our climb would be easy. We just didn’t know it would be a cake walk.

In record numbers, you came out, and you spoke for more of the same. And with your voices and your votes, you made it clear that at this moment, in this election, there is something happening in Umno.

(APPLAUSE)

There is something happening when the young men and women of the Youth, Wanita and Puteri Wings from Perlis and Terengganu, in Sabah and Sarawak, come out in mobs to wait in lines to attend this aseembly because they believe in what this country can be.

There is something happening. There’s something happening when Umno members who are young in age and in spirit, who’ve never participated in politics before, turn out in numbers that we more or less expected because they know in their hearts that this time must be more of the same.

There’s something happening when Umno delegates vote not just for the fraction they belong to, whether pro-Abdullah or pro-Mahathir, but the hopes that they hold in common.

And whether we are elites or Orang Ulu, pure Malay or mixed, Bumiputera or otherwise, whether we hail from Pahang or Negeri Sembilan, Melaka or Johor, Kedah or Pinang, we are ready to take this party back to its fundamentals.

That’s what’s happening in Umno right now; more of the same is what’s happening in Umno.

You, all of you who are here tonight, all who put so much heart and soul and work into this campaign, you can be part of the old majority who used to lead this nation in a long political darkness.

(APPLAUSE)

Reformists, independents and mavericks who are tired of the division and distraction that has clouded the Dewan Rakyat, who know that we can disagree without being disagreeable, who understand that, if we mobilize our voices to challenge the money and influence that stood in our way and challenge ourselves to reach for something better, let me say to you this: there is no place in Pertubahan Kebangsaan Melayu Bersatu for you!

(APPLAUSE)

We will build a new Umno, one that can end the outrage of rebellious Pakatan Rakyat insurgents in our time. We can bring hardliners, ultra-nationalists, NEP beneficiaries, the xenophobic and the overzealous together, and we can tell Pakatan Rakyat that, while they have seats at the table, they will have to buy their own chairs from now on.

(APPLAUSE)

Our old majority can continue the tax breaks for Bumiputera companies that reaped the benefits of the NEP at the expense of working Malays who were not born into the right families or who do not have the right connections.

We can put our children on a pathway to success by relinquishing their mother tongue in favor of a language that is universal in modern society. We can make it easier to break the barriers that they face when pursuing careers in business, law, medicine, science, and so on.

We can harness the ingenuity of Petronas to free this nation from the need for subsidies for fuel and to keep the profits rolling in for our cronies.

And when I am – when my husband becomes the Prime Minister of the Federation of Malaysia, I know that he will magically end the recession faced by the citizens of this country and I know he will do so because his sponge is very big.

(APPLAUSE)

All of the appointment holders who emerge victorious tonight – all of them have good ideas and all are patriots who will serve this party honourably.

But the reason Umno has always been different from the other political parties, the reason we began this improbable journey more than sixty years ago is because it’s not just about what my husband will do as president. It is also about you, the people who devote themselves to this party, the members of Umno, can do to keep it the same.

That’s what this assembly is all about.

That’s why tonight belongs to you. It belongs to the organisers, the volunteers, and the staff who believed in this journey and rallied so many others to join the cause.

We know the battles ahead are impending. But always remember that, no matter what obstacles stand in our way, be it Anwar or Guan Eng, Karpal or Abdul Hadi, Altantuya or Raja Petra Kamaruddin, nothing and no one can stand in the way of the power of millions and millions of ringgit that we have come up with to call for change in the by-election states and the grassroots of PR states.

We have been told we cannot do this by a chorus of critics. And they will only grow louder and more dissonant in the weeks and months to come.

We’ve been asked to pause for a reality check. We’ve been warned against offering the party false hope. But in the unlikely story that is Umno, there has never been any hope that did not turn out to be false.

(APPLAUSE)

For when we have faced down impossible odds, when we’ve been told we’re not ready or that we shouldn’t try or that we can’t, generations of Umno party elites have responded with a simple creed that sums up the spirit of greed that has always driven our party: Yes, we can. Yes, we can. Yes, we can.

It was the creed written into the founding documents of a party that declared the supremacy of a race above all others:

Yes, we can.

It was whispered by business interests who exploited a policy to create a just society which was anything but just:

Yes, we can.

It was sung by immigrants who struck out from distant shores and entrepreneurs from foreign lands who contributed to the prosperity of the country, and who eventually emigrated to greener pastures when they found out what they were in for:

Yes, we can.

It was the call of opportunists who kissed the soles of the powerful, beneficiaries of graft who allowed certain companies to prosper and others to flounder, and a leader who showed us that he was above any judiciary system and beyond reproach: Yes, we can.

And so, next month, as we take the battle to Bukit Gantang and Bukit Selambau and Batang Ai, we will remember that there is something happening in Umno, that we are not as divided as our politics suggest, that we are one people, we are one party.

And, together we will begin the next great chapter in the Umno story, with three words that will ring from Peninsular to East Malaysia, from the Straits of Melaka to the South China Sea: Yes, we can.

(APPLAUSE)

Thank you, Umno. Thank you. Thank you.

The country’s most powerful lady-in-waiting makes her rounds on the PR and damage control circuit

(TPT) – KUALA LUMPUR: There is a vast centre-left wing conspiracy to discredit her family. So says the woman at the heart of a new public relations campaign launched last week to prepare the ground for her husband’s imminent takeover, rumoured to take place on April 3.

However, the campaign was not merely an attempt to give Malaysia’s next first lady a human face.

“This is also part of Abang’s economic stimulus package. This way, not only do we get to improve our image, but the Malaysian economy benefits as well,” Datin Seri Rosmah Mansor told the press on Thursday afternoon while gesturing to her publicists and image consultants, who were on hand to keep a leash on wayward pressmen. “We’re just borrowing a page from the multibillion-dollar 2008 US Presidential Elections and doing what we can to ensure a smoother transition between Pak Lah and my Sweety Bumpkins.”

“I cannot tell you how shocked I was when I heard that vulgar man accuse my husband of murder in Parliament. Can you imagine how it’s like when the father of your children gets verbally abused, over and over again, right in front of your children’s eyes? It was so traumatic for all of us. I even choked on my kacang putih!

“These people are so vicious! They will do anything to take away Najib’s birthright. If they can’t take that away, they will go after our children. Oh the poor, poor children! But they are so evil, they might even go after poor old me! Me! Who has not harmed a single ant in this world! Oh what did I do to deserve this? I’m just an every-woman! No different from the Mak Ciks you see at the pasars every morning trying to make a living selling kueh!

Our correspondent notes that the campaign’s theme song, which blasted over the PA system on a never-ending loop, seemed to be Karyn White’s “Superwoman.” (http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XNzI3NDU0NzI=.html)

“Najib’s cake is baked. His peanuts roasted. His fries fried and salted. His roti canai tossed. His yee sang loh heyed. His nasi campur campured. It is long overdue that the lame duck – not the metaphorical lame duck mind you but a real duck that was actually lame, from stepping on too many landmines since March 08 – limps aside and make way for a new Malaysia.”

Datin Seri Rosmah was speaking to reporters after visiting a Malaysian Red Crescent Society collection center. She is also the patron of the Humanitarian Appeal Fund.

Backbencher objects to retiring leader having the same status as non-Aryans non-Bumis

(TPT) – KUALA LUMPUR: In a calamitous and rowdy session of the Reichstag Dewan Rakyat, pandemonium broke out after a card-carrying member of the National Front proposed that the Führer, who is due to step down sometime in March this year, be made a Dictator Mentor and thus spared the indignity of sitting with the non-Aryans non-Bumis in the rank and file of the Reichstag Dewan Rakyat.

“After the sacrifices our Dear Leader made to improve this country, it is inappropriate to sit him next to the stench of the masses. Would it not be better to emulate our neighbour and appoint him Dictator Mentor?” asked the MP, who went on to note that unlike earlier Führers, the current one was breaking with tradition by relinquishing his post halfway.

This sparked an uproar from the opposition, who clamored to know who was responsible for the Führer’s resignation.

“Who was it who forced our Dear Leader to step down? The National Front should not hide the truth. We want the Führer to continue after March!” exclaimed an opposition MP.

The opposition then began to chant “we love our Dear Leader,” drowning out dissenting voices from the National Front. Some could be heard murmuring “a repeat of the Night of the Long Knives,” a reference to their de-facto leader’s deposition in 1999. Also overheard by our correspondent was an MP shouting into his mobile phone that “Operation Valkyrie against the veep is a go,” whatever that meant.

In a related development, the only surviving former Führer, Bapa Permodenan, had gotten wind of this development, and had subsequently made known his displeasure at a press conference hastily convened late in the evening.

“If Pak Lah is to be the Dictator Mentor, then those ingrates should make me a Dictator-for-Life!” Here, someone in the press pool yawned and mumbled that he was already one. “While we are on that topic, I propose that Pak Lah’s sobriquet after his retirement be Bapa Penidur. I think we all agree that it is befitting for him because it is a name that I chose.”

The Führer in question could not be contacted for comment at press time. According to a senior staffer, His Excellency had just finished resolving a matter of national urgency and required time to recuperate.