CHERAS, Apr 05 – Datuk Seri Hishammuddin Tun Hussein assures the public that the Hulu Selangor by-election will be free from unruliness and that he personally guaranteed that the event will be carried out responsibly.

“Due to the high stakes involved and the importance attached to this district, the Home Ministry will be extra vigilant to ensure people do not take matters into their own hands.”

“Instead, FRU (Federal Reserve Unit) and UTK (Special Action Team) will take this matter into their responsible hands by means of a special deployment to protect voters from intimidation and to ensure that they vote responsibly. Hulu Selangor residents should know what I mean,” Datuk Seri Hishammuddin said ominously while giving a wink to reporters at a press session held after a shooting test at PDRM’s General Operations Force Central Brigade headquarters in Cheras yesterday.

The Home Minister then went into a long-winded tirade of sorts, touching on seemingly unrelated issues such as responsible driving, responsible spending, and responsible care for the aged and the under-aged. Brandishing a PDRM Walther P99 service pistol and gesturing excitedly with it (causing some reporters to wince just like when he once wielded the keris Panca Warisan when he was Chief of UMNO Youth), he also talked about how responsible voting is synonymous with responsible usage of firearms.

“Say if I were to put a live round into this pistol, cock it and mistakenly fire at a passerby. Not only would I be held responsible for a crime, but I would forever live in remorse of my mistake. Similarly, we advise Hulu Selangor constituents to choose responsibly in this by-election. Make sure you can sleep soundly with your decision.”

The Home Minister dismissed accusations that he was trying to assert undue influence over the upcoming by-election.

“I’m just fulfilling my responsibility as Home Minister to ensure there is law and order in this country.”

Commenting on the blogger who was arrested for insulting the late Sultan of Johor Sultan Iskandar ibni Almarhum Sultan Ismail, Home Minister Datuk Seri Hishammuddin Tun Hussein said “Let his case be a lesson to others who think they can express themselves openly without worrying about repercussions.”

Hisham said that the blogger has forgotten his roots. “Where does he think he is? This is Malaysia, not USA. There is no such thing as freedom of speech here. He must remember that he is a Malaysian and there are no personal opinions, only government-approved opinions.”

Working himself into a frenzy, Hisham pointed out that the blogger had insulted an age-old institution. “The sultans had been here since Malaysia was founded. Even if the sultan is an *** *** , no true Malaysian would ever insult the royalty because by insulting them, they would be insulting the very heritage of Malaysia.”

Spitting foam from his mouth, Hisham angrily waved his keris and cried, “The blogger has done the undoneable! He must pay for insulting the late Sultan!”

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