WASHINGTON, D.C., Apr 28 – Housekeepers working at the St. Regis Hotel in Washington, D.C. during our Prime Minister’s attendance at the Nuclear Security Summit (and his hobnobbing with the famous and fabulous, including a certain Mr. Obama) were aghast by their distinguished guests’ behavior while they stayed at the St. Regis’ private suites.

“Oh yes I remember them. They really went wild with their nightly capers, and I would say some of their requests raised many an eyebrow amongst the housekeeping staff here,” recalled Staunton Brown Hopkins, a stiff-upper-lipped English butler working at the St. Regis.

“I am not at liberty to say what took place, but they did keep the whole wing up with their antics. I shall not say I was not glad to see them leave when they did.”

In a speech to Barisan Nasional supporters in the run-up to Sunday’s Hulu Selangor by-election, the Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Razak had let his audience know that he had met with former PKR cadres Datuk Seri Zahrain Hashim and Zulkifli Noordin in his room, adding that the two had “exposed” themselves and that he now knew “everything, right down to the underwear.”

According to an aide, Zahrain was so thoroughly disturbed by the whole issue that he still refuses to talk about it with the media. However, this was not the case with Zulkifli, who had been more accommodating with the Malaysian Insider. Despite urging the Malaysian Insider not to “blow things out of proportion,” Zulkifli could not resist giving the sordid details of his meetings with Najib, stopping just short of revealing what verbal foreplay took place, as “all that is between me and the Prime Minister.”

“We discussed so many things. We were there for over a week. After the functions (of the Nuclear Security Summit), which usually finish at around 9.30pm at night, we would go to his room and speak with him about the day’s affairs,” elaborated Zulkifli excitedly.

“Sometimes it is between me and Najib and sometimes it is between Zahrain and Najib or sometimes it is all three of us.”

A housekeeper working at the St. Regis who spoke to the Petai on condition of anonymity alleges there had been at least two occasions when the laundry bags from a private suite contained undergarments with suspicious looking stains.

“Vote Barisan Nasional,” Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak told Hulu Selangor constituents. “Don’t worry about who is the candidate, whether he is clean or trustworthy. You should just worry about whether he is from Barisan.”

Najib explained that rather than focusing on the person, the voters should look at the party, like when one goes shopping at the departmental store. When his wife, Datin Rosmah Mansor, goes shopping, she will buy a Birkin handbag but not a pasar malam handbag. In reality, both are handbags and both look similar and both serve the same purpose. But Rosmah would go for the well-known and trusted brand.

Like the handbag, Barisan Nasional is also a well-known and trusted brand. It’s consistency over the years has made the party what it is today. “Vote for the brand,” urged Najib. “The candidate can be an idiot or orang gila, it doesn’t matter. As long as you vote for Barisan, you’re voting for quality.”

KUALA LUMPUR: Newly crowned All-England champion Datuk Lee Chong Wei was yesterday feted to a lunch by Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Razak and wife, Datin Seri Rosmah Mansor, at the Parliament banquet hall.

“We are very proud of his achievement. It is special because he won in a prestigious tournament which also marked its 100th edition. I hope Chong Wei can retain this title,” said Najib.

“This win is a good stimulant for the 1Malaysia concept as it showcases the strong relationship between races in the country,” he said at the function, which was also attended by MPs from both sides of the political divide.

We ask Malaysians on their opinion of this story.

Yussof Zakaria, 53 (Kuala Lumpur) - Wah, not bad huh, this kind of pendatang is good. Can win titles for our country. Please don’t ask him to leave if he’s unhappy, he’s our last and only hope for the next Olympics! Cina that can bring glory to Malaysia is a Malaysian!

Tua Tau, 40 (Penang) - #%&*%!!! Only when we cina win something big then you come and share our glory! If not, we’re just pendatang!!! %^#$%!!!!!

S Ganeson , 54 (Selangor) - See, bukan Melayu also can contribute to Malaysia mah. The PM’s special officer Nasir Safar should be punished severely for insulting Chong Wei’s great great grandmother that she came to Malaysia to jual tubuh!!! And that my great great grandfather was a beggar!!! $@%&!!!!!

Marianna Unhapi, 77 (Sarawak) - Aiyo, I feel sorry for my fellow Malaysian. Only when you’re among the best in the world would the government acknowledge you as a Malaysian. So, will he be given bumi status? Will his children get into local universities? Will they be able to work in the government service?

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It’s a brave new world…

Bayan Baru MP Datuk Seri Zahrain Hashim recently announced that he is leaving Parti Keadilan Rakyat (PKR). This piece of news had caused mixed reactions among his peers.

While PKR adviser Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim is reportedly very upset at Zahrain’s decision and was seen crying into his hanky, the reactions of others are more calm.

PKR deputy president Dr Syed Husin Ali shares none of Anwar’s sentiments and actually felt relieved that the little man has left. He said Zahrain had finally done something good for the party – by leaving it.

DAP chairman Karpal Singh said Zahrain’s departure was not a loss to Pakatan Rakyat. “He is not a giant of a politician, more like a dwarf. He should join a group that fits his stature.”

Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak agreed and said he was not surprised that Zahrain could not play the game anymore and wanted out. “It is hard for the little Zahrain to survive in the political arena, which is why Malaysia needs big and bold people!”

Not all were negative reactions as former PKR youth chief Mohamad Ezam Mohd Nor heaped praise on Zahrain. Describing Zahrain as a matured man with sharp observation skills, Ezam praised Zahrain for his honesty and courage in facing his own limits. He believed that Zahrain finally saw that he had overstretched and decided that quitting the party was the best option.

WISMA PUTRA, Feb 17 – Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Razak had earlier tasked Wisma Putra to explain the facts pertaining to Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim’s sodomy case to Australian lawmakers so that they would get a clearer picture of the case. He had done so in the belief that these lawmakers probably did not know the real situation and were acting out according to misguided perceptions and heated passions. The Petai has, with no small difficulty, obtained a very early draft of a speech prepared by Wisma Putra that would be delivered by Foreign Minister Datuk Anifah Aman to Capital Hill, Canberra. The words of the draft, incompletely corrected and edited, can be found below:

Her Excellency the Governor-General

The Honourable Prime Minister

Distinguished Ministers, Senators and House Representatives

G’day mates!

I come here today to talk to you about a pressing issue that has driven a rift between our two great nations. It is actually a non-issue, for I feel relations between our countries, which have never been better, have stood the test of time and will stand this latest test.

Some people from the Australian Labour Party have lied a misperception that Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim has been unfairly persecuted by the Malaysian government for his political beliefs. This is a lie incorrect on two fronts. Firstly, there has never been any persecution of any sort by the Malaysian government. It is always the judiciary who is doing the persecution prosecution. Secondly, my government disagrees that Datuk Seri Anwar has any political beliefs that are beneficial to the country. Rather, his only belief is that he will gain self-satisfaction support from seducing young aides by appealing to public sympathy.

The courts of Malaysia have evidence to suggest that Datuk Seri Anwar has unlawfully penetrated the arse of sodomised a male aide. This is treated as a criminal case, and I am therefore not allowed to deliberate further, for fear of affecting the case’s outcome.

Mates, why let a wanker an indicted criminal destroy relations between us? Is our long-cultivated friendship really worth lesser than a pansy? Let the law deal with him and his perversions. Speaking for myself, I find the whole notion of homosexuality unnatural and detestable, as I’m sure many of you may agree. Those of you who are queers yourself may also find it uncomfortable that a queer has made his sexuality such a public issue. Like Americans, you would also feel a policy of ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ is more befitting of your unfortunate situation.

We ask therefore that you leave our legal systems alone and cease the lies that you are propagating in your newspapers, or we shall take drastic measures to ensure our sheep citizens do not get influenced by the rhetoric in your press.

I hereby express Malaysia’s sincere hope of continuing our relations beyond this temporary obstacle, and thank you for giving us your time in listening to our story.

Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak has praised governmental efforts in decreasing street crime.

Statistics have shown that street crimes have decreased by 6.7% while indoor crimes have risen by 10.2%, indicating a trend where crimes are moving indoors. PM said that this is a positive indication that the Government is moving in the right direction.

“Last year, the Government embarked on a series of campaigns aimed at removing crimes from the streets. Efforts were made to contact potential law-breakers and ask them not to commit crimes in the streets where it is disruptive for everyone. By moving crimes indoors and out of sight of the general public, we have made it less traumatizing for everyone concerned.”