“Minister: English Language is Weird, Strange and causes Delusion”

(TPT): Kuala Lumpur – Deputy Education Minister Dr Mohd Puad Zarkashi has come out to warn Malaysians that English is weird, strange and could be a major contributor to delusion amongst Malaysians.

His remarks come amid nation-wide surveys that Malaysians have been suffering from delusional notions of grandeur and prestige. Dr Mohd said the study had finally proven that English could be the cause of these diseases.

“English is weird. It is strange. I don’t understand why people continue to use it. I have stopped using it myself, preferring to speak in Malay to everybody”, Dr Puad said in his English speech to people gathered at the Bahasa Melayu seminar. “Why do people use English?” he points to the audience.

Refuting claims that English is the lingua franca of the world spoken by a majority of the global population, Dr Puad had admonished this reporter repeatedly for her skewed and fake Western-aligned assumptions. Dr Puad then held up studies showing that the decline of the private sector which communicates in English 99 percent of the time was obvious proof of the disease. Bahasa Melayu was deemed the only antidote in the current economic malaise, he countered.

“Stop polluting our culture and our identity, things are not going to get better if we continue like this,” adding that legal action is being mulled by his ministry. Special committees are also being considered to impose fines if need be.

“Stop being weird and strange and delusional, my dear Malaysians”, Dr Puad finishes before turning to his English tea.

GMP to Government: If we can’t beat the Anglosphere, we’ll join them at their game

(TPT) – KUALA LUMPUR: The de facto leader of the movement to oppose the teaching of mathematics and science in English (PPSMI), Datuk Dr Hassan Ahmad, has issued an ultimatum to the Government to further the cause of the Alam Melayu (lit. Malay World) by setting up an organization to champion the use of the Malay language.

This organization would be modeled after La Francophonie and, like its French counterpart, its primary mission would be the promotion of the Malay language as an international language, as well as the preservation and proliferation of Malay culture and global linguistic diversity in the face of Anglo-Saxon hegemony.

“It is imperative that we stem the tide of globalization, the chief ailment of which is the pervasiveness of the usage of English. This is corrupting our culture and language and we will not stand for it.

“We will start by eradicating all English words from all forms of signages across the country and replace them with Malay words. It does not matter whether these signs belong to the government or to businesses. Take A&W for example. They can change their “hot dog” to “anjing panas” (lit. hot dog).  “Coney dogs” are a little trickier. According to the Oxford dictionary, “coney” is a rabbit. So they can use “anjing arnab” (lit. rabbit dog).

“For Pakatan Rakyat’s sake, we will also include Chinese and Tamil characters in the signages,” said Dr Hassan, who then coughed and murmured “for now” into his hand.

When asked by reporters if such a move would have a negative impact on Malaysia’s position in international business, Dr Hassan replied that he was not worried about it, and that foreign companies must adapt to the customs and culture of Malaysia if they wanted to take advantage of the cheaper labour here.

“These mat sallehs (a derogatory term for Caucasians) are parasites and leeches who suck the livelihood from hardworking Malaysians. And just like how a leech does not complain about whose blood it sucks, mat sallehs should also grin and bear whatever we throw at them. If they are not happy, they can go to China.”

Dr Hassan noted that there would be no need for PPSMI because the Alam Melayu would be at the cutting edge of science and mathematics by simply creating its own science and mathematics.

“We have plenty of scholars and academicians schooled in Malay who are capable enough of creating our own science and maths, just like the Japanese, Koreans and Russians do. If the western academics don’t accept our scientific theories, then it is simply because their science is wrong and ours correct.

“In fact, we will create our own Internet – we will call it “Dunia Siber” (lit. Cyber World) where we will share scientific discoveries of esteemed researchers in Alam Melayu – that means access to the numerous works that can be found not only in Malaysia but also Indonesia, Brunei and the southern parts of Thailand and the Philippines. That in itself is quite a feat if I may say so myself.”

‘English not a prerequisite for success – in fact, why study?’

(TPT) – KUALA LUMPUR: In view of the debate on teaching Math and Science using the English Language, The Petai Times (TPT) conducted a street survey to get a pulse of the ground. Interviewees of different racial profiles were selected to reflect the multiracial Malaysian society. Deng Lang, Huan Kia and Ge Leng Kia were handpicked for their earnest and frank views.

TPT: As a Chinese, do you think English is suitable for teaching Maths and Science?

Deng Lang: My opinion on the topic of teaching Math and science in English. My first language is Mandarin Chinese, and I completed my primary and secondary education in a Mandarin language school.

I have obtained a Bachelor’s degree in kryptonite science and am pursuing a PhD in deep mathematics at a Chinese language university in Bhutan. Here are my views:

1. Learning in English is not a prerequisite for success in science. Math or Science has nothing to do with English. Learning how to recite the Alphabetical system from front to back, from back to front or even from the centre left to centre right will not lead to success at all, contrary to much held societal views.

2. Although knowing English might help us to understand some Western rigorously researched scientific publications – which have often been proven bogus ultimately in my view – it will not help in the long run.

3. Returning to the topic of achieving success in science, most Malaysian students do not speak English as their mother tongue and I barely passed the language when I first started to learn it in school. But look, I am still successfully studying deep mathematics in Bhutan!

TPT also managed to get the opinions of Huan Kia who was similarly opposed to the teaching of Maths and Science in English.

Huan Kia: No no, tak ada guna lah. Besides, the teachers cannot speak Engrish (sic) also, how to teach? Is my Engrish (sic) bad? I don’t think so, you boleh faham right?

To which we were unable to deny, we did understand the interviewee Huan Kia.

As Huan Kia spoke on in accented Bahasa Melayu interspersed with various English terms, a fuller picture emerged. His view, as translated after some difficulty was that Math and Science should be taught in Bahasa Melayu. It should be ensured that students are not denied the opportunity to obtain sufficient knowledge in maths and science, especially for those who will never be proficient in English.

Huan Kia: Betul lah. Ini bukan about BM atau Engrish (sic). We fair lah. Macam ‘relac one corner’, Engrish where got these 3 words to express? Only BM boleh kata macam itu.

Lastly, we sought the views of Ge Leng Kia, a Malaysian Indian who has lived in Malaysia for the past 50 years since his arrival here when he was 17 years old.

Ge Leng: Actually, everyone is missing the point. GMP (Movement against PPSMI) is correct. It is not about Bm or English or Mandarain. It is about the Malaysian identity versus the Ang Moh language.

“Learning too many languages is not in the identity of us. We are Malaysians, don’t need to learn too much. Besides, why study? We are Malaysians” Ge Leng Kia exclaims once more.

In conclusion, TPT’s informal surveys have shone the light on this bewildering and deeply dividing issue. Truly, our sense of the ground has vindicated research surveys conducted by various schools and academics – that actually, nobody really cares about this issue at all.

2,000 demonstrators march to the wrong “istana”

(TPT) – PETALING JAYA: More than 2,000 people marched to Istana Negara last Saturday to hand over a memorandum to the King asking for the return to Bahasa Malaysia (BM) as the medium of instruction for Mathematics and Science.  One of the demonstrator, Surat bin Kabar, a hawker explained that he himself has difficulty with the English language, and as such wonders how  his children are going to cope.

The 2,000 strong crowd were suppose to march to the Istana, but since they could not read English, they ended up at Sogo Isetan (confused with the words Istana and Isetan) instead. The group leaders who were suppose to hand over the memorandum to the King found themselves facing a small number of freightened sales girls who were shocked to see such a large crowd at the entrance of the shopping center. Even the shoppers were running helter skelter wondering why a mob had entered the shopping complex chanting “Kita mau Bahasa Melayu”. For once, the police became useful and directed the chanting crowd towards the right direction, the Istana. After about 20 minutes of confusion, the crowd ended up at the Istana and handed over the memorandum to the rightful owner, the aide to the Sultan.