SIBU, May 17 – First it had been campaign billboards with not-so-subtle hints that electing a DAP representative would mean the end of kampua mee as locals know it. Then came the rebuttal from DAP candidate Wong Ho Leng (while tucking into a plate of the delicacy) that he was committed to defending the “Sibu way of life” and that his family loves kampua mee. We assume, of course, that Wong meant that the Sibu way of life equates to non-halal kampua mee and that non-halal kampua mee equates to the very heart of Sibu.

Now it seems both sides are slugging or, dare we say, pigging it out to convince voters that they can keep their favorite foods once the dust settles and Sibu returns to its quiet normalcy.

“Sibu voters are smart enough to know that a vote for me is a vote for kompia done right,” proclaimed SUPP candidate Robert Lau Hui Yew as he demolished a stack of the pastries stuffed with savory meat filling.

“With SUPP, you may keep your kueh cap, but will you enjoy it? DAP will ensure the portions stay the same and your stomach stay satisfactorily full,” trumpeted DAP campaign director Chong Chieng Jen who helped himself to heaps of pig offals braised in dark sauce.

Even independent Narawi Haron is getting into the act by endorsing a chikuteh joint.

“As someone who is half Malay and half Chinese, I’m very disappointed in Barisan and Pakatan for espousing subliminally discriminatory messages. What’s wrong with the taste of halal kampua mee? It doesn’t matter what the ‘proper’ taste of food is so long as people like it.”