KUALA LUMPUR, Feb 19 – Throughout the day, the city had been held hostage by protesters protesting against the unfair decision to protest only against the Australians that had been made by UMNO Youth / Pemuda unilaterally without consulting its wholly unaffiliated protesting partners Perkasa, the Barisan National Backbenchers Club, Makkal Sakhthi and MIC Youth.

It is understood that the counter-protests and subsequent counter-counter-protests erupted somewhere along the line after an announcement that Pemuda would protest against the Australians, but not the Americans, citing technical differences which the mobs subsequently forgot in the heat of debate. The Petai also understands that originally the protests had been over a protest note lodged by 50 Australian MPs with the Malaysian High Commission in Canberra over the sodomy trial of de facto opposition leader Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim, which had been described as being both fair and unfair all at the same time by protesters, depending on who you talk to and at what time of the day.

The city of Kuala Lumpur, having been deserted since the week before as workers left the city to celebrate the Chinese New Year holidays, became a battleground for a myriad of protesters from all walks of life.

“Oh I’m not here for the protests. I’m only here to enjoy the wayang kulit,” commented a Chinese Malaysian who gave his name as Kong Fuu Yan. “I’m still on leave actually – it’s not everyday I get to see this side of KL. It’s a festive atmosphere that you have to experience to understand.”

“My mates and I heard the bandits were sacking Aussie property, and we mustered up what men we could after we found out your guys weren’t doing the same thing to the Yanks. Talk about blatant racism! We ‘ave to let ‘em know you don’t mess with Aussies  without getting bitten back! Besides, it’s been a blast with plenty of beer and a barbie…” stuttered a staggering drunkard who was part of a group of rowdy Caucasians who had set up an encampment outside Wisma Putra.

Meanwhile, Perkasa had moved its mobile headquarters (supposedly a dilapidated minivan sequestered from some poor street hawker) to below Pemuda’s headquarters at Jalan Tun Ismail from its earlier location outside the Australian High Commission, and had redeployed its fearsome protest machinery against Pemuda, only to be faced by a protesting Khairy Jamaluddin who insist the decision to not protest against the Americans was not his, and that they were made by a ‘higher up’ who thought American relations were too important to be risked.

In other news, the United States Secretary of State Hillary Clinton had been incensed when she found out President Barack Obama was planning to send her husband Bill as a special envoy to Malaysia to raise American objections against the country’s selective protests against one country but not the others.

“My husband is not the Secretary of State. I am. I will decide who gets to go on overseas missions, and Bill is definitely not out of the dog house yet. Barack needs to have a word with me, and I will give him a piece of my mind, just like how I will give Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib a piece of my mind.

“I heard Datin Rosmah is a fearsome woman. But I’m pretty sure a woman can handle her.”